Attention'
Resolving marital betrayal
Feeling betrayed by a mate is profoundly devastating. Betrayal is usually associated with infidelity, but even in its absence, emotional betrayal creates great pain and deep marital discord. Knowing how to manage episodes of betrayal is [...]
Reconnect with each other using the look of love
A common complaint of pairs seeking couple therapy is their dissatisfaction with the distance, detachment and the parallel co-existence they have developed. They grieve the loss of their earlier magical eye contacts that expressed appreciation, admiration [...]
Have you pleased your partner during the holidays? – Keep it up!
Holidays are often stressful and joyous, exhausting and fun, labor intensive and relaxing. We make all the efforts to prepare for cheers through our tears. The hard work expanded in our people-pleasing endeavors is often taxing [...]
An ode to my readers
This is my 500th Relationship Matters column in the Santa Cruz Sentinel. I want to extend to you my deepest gratitude and appreciation for your loyalty, ongoing input, calls, letters, kind words and warm personal greetings [...]
For healthy relationships, curb your urge to purge your woes
The habit of complaining is universal, everyone complains at least occasionally, and some do it frequently. Though the need to express one’s woes has some psychological and social gains, it is more likely to render the [...]
Do cellphones enhance or detract from relationships?
A recent headline news captivated listeners’ attention: “Tech lovers choose cellphones over sex.” Is this a measure of how far our addiction to staying connected has reached? Is technology changing not only our ease of communicating [...]
Can you love two people at the same time?
Some individuals in committed relationships who become intrigued by another person ask whether it is possible to love two people at the same time. This question merits closer analysis of the nature of love. There are [...]
How can you trust your partner again?
Trust is one of the three main ingredients necessary for creating and sustaining a solid love relationship. It is accompanied by respect and attraction. The absence of trust between mates shakes the foundation of a solid [...]
Being attentive to your partner is easy and beneficial
Receiving attention validates our worth and bolsters our esteem. From birth on, all humans need some appreciative contact from another to survive and thrive. Those who do not receive sufficient attention in their relationships often wilt, [...]
Why is the toilet seat position a relationship issue?
Of all the areas of conflict couples may experience, why would the toilet seat position command so much annoyance and warrant the time and emotions pairs spend on it? One may think that it may be [...]
Monitor the state of your union
Most people are very aware of their standing in regard to their jobs. They are also vigilant about the state of their finances, particularly during hard economic times. They pay close attention to their children’s health, [...]
Maintaining a connection with a former lover
This column was initiated by a reader who is perplexed by the conflicts in his current relationship in regard to his former partner’s role in his life. Others have also questioned what is the appropriate, kind [...]
How to recharge your overworked and under-appreciated partner
Today’s couples are extremely stressed by job requirements, family and life tasks. The intense energy required to accomplish all these functions well is exhausting and sometimes discouraging. It is hard to keep the emotional, loving and [...]
The importance of being valued
Marriages that break up do so primarily for one reason, the loss of feeling valued by the partner. Affirming your mate on an ongoing basis is crucial to the health and wellbeing of your partner and [...]
Making the case for committed relationships
Love is an even number. In love relationships, two is a stable number. If it becomes three, it creates a triangle, whose sharp corners poke and hurt. When A loves B and B loves A –intimacy [...]
Voicing appreciation for small acts creates greater intimacy
She often thought with tenderness and appreciation about all the small acts of kindness he showed to her. Though she felt very blessed, touched and loved she rarely told him how grateful she felt. They had [...]
How couples can best deal with the trauma of infertility
One of the more painful problems many couples experience is their inability to reproduce. No couple is prepared for the painful emotional, physical, interpersonal, and social ramifications of infertility. Since procreation is a natural process for [...]
The healing power of a loved one’s touch and connection
The process of transition from strangers to lovers entails five stages. Couples usually connect through eye contact, evolve into conversation, share activities and then touch. The pleasurable physical connection helps cement the pair’s readiness for ongoing [...]
How to refine your attention skills
Being attentive to your partner is essential to the success of your relationship. When mates receive the right attention from each other they feel valued, connected and happy. Though some types of attention are universally pleasing, [...]
How to deal with emotional infidelity
The dictionary definition of infidelity reads: “unfaithfulness in married persons, adultery”. We know that it also applies to all committed relationships between partners. Infidelity commonly refers to sexual betrayal. So, what is emotional infidelity? Emotional infidelity [...]
