All individuals are physically, emotionally and psychologically different from one another. Though many traits may be shared, the exact psychological makeup of any two people, including twins, is unique and special to each individual. We vary in looks, personality, talents and physical and psychological traits. In addition, all personality and habitual behaviors are uniquely expressed by each individual. Some people are very verbal, vocal and expressive, while others who may be equally wise, may be shy and taciturn. Some are optimistic and others pessimistic, etc. How we present ourselves, speak, dress, act is also very individualized. When it comes to our capacity and intensity to express ourselves verbally, we are guided by our innate character, our self-view and our upbringing.
In terms of verbal expressiveness, the differences are also clear. Some people are more verbal, speak with a strong, authoritarian voice, while others, who may be equally bright, may be more taciturn. Our expression that enables us to speak our minds is not solely related to our level of knowledge, but also guided by our sense of self-esteem, popularity and self-confidence. Our psychological makeup is the third element in our freedom to express ourselves well. All people wish to be listened to and be agreed with, respected and liked.
One verbal style that some people adopt is complaining. They are adept at concentrating on the unfair, unkind, rude, hostile, disrespectful, arrogant or superior and judgmental attitude of others, and immediately get riled up become defensive when they feel disrespected. Some elect to become chronic complainers.
There are other reasons why some people are unhappy, dissatisfied and choose to discount others to feel better about themselves.
As an observer of a “chronic complainer”, one may choose to avoid this speaker, while another may try to “help” the complainer in various ways in an attempt to change his/her attitude. Another approach is to challenge the complainer’s negative view about the issue, or offer a positive view and encourage the speaker to adopt it. A third way is to distance oneself from this unhappy individual.
My suggestion is to befriend the “complainer” and develop a positive relationship with him/her. If you exhibit appreciation for this individual, over time, he/she may begin to trust you and respect your feedback. After a few months of friendship and lots of honest validations of this friend’s attributes, talents, humor or knowledge, you may be able to gently advise the “negative complainer” that other people are more prone to hear his/her positive views and he/she is more likely to develop a larger circle of affirming friends by concentrating on complimenting them or their positive ways and expressing your matching views to theirs.
This method, may or may not be adopted, but “the chronic complainer” may volitionally test your recommendations and may be grateful for your kind guidance, as he/she develops new friends who will continue to value him/her for years to come.